Tuesday 10 June 2008

Things I hate

I was going to write about Things I Love. But I need more than a single paragraph. A slight change of viewpoint and suddenly I have more material than I know what to do with.

I hate:

- calling German beers "Ales"
- writing Barley Wine as Barleywine
- Cascade hops
- mustard
- Porter or Stout drenched with citrus hops
- work
- mosquitoes
- nitro-served beer
- ice-cold beer
- sunshine
- the term "Dry Stout"
- double anything, apart from Bock
- Imperial anything, apart from Mild
- hot weather
- cars
- the Dutch football team
- books written without research
- beards
- homebrewers with beards
- Hollyoaks
- cats
- pigeons
- the rubbish Dutch postal service
- Arsenal
- all London football teams
- fake Irish pubs
- smoking
- queue jumpers
- dogma
- dogmatic twats
- certainty
- uncertainty
- pullovers
- T-shirts with jokey slogans
- designer clothes
- jeans
- trainers
- owners who don't control their dogs
- fizzy beer
- all politicians except Stalin and Trotsky
- slugs
- cats
- waking up having a coughing fit
- pubs that don't look like pubs
- Frankfurt
- formula 1
- tennis
- basketball
- sugar
- Gert Wilders
- Leo van den Berge
- closing time
- CO2
- the word "proactive"
- anyone who uses the word "proactive" seriously
- cats
- mission statements
- bullies
- Andrea Rijntjes
- Steve Vaswani
- German pubs that serve Klösse from a packet
- "innovative" beers
- gravity
- cross-channel ferries
- guns
- knives
- spoons
- motorways
- internet forums
- beer names of more than 3 words
- bearded wikipedia contributors
- chocolate
- pneumonia
- decimal currency
- pudding (except for steak and kidney)
- Golden Ales
- Blonde Abbey beers
- paprika-flavoured crisps
- frozen chips
- instant mash
- football teams based at the Emirates Stadium
- stadiums named after a sponsor
- the terms "inside right" and "outside half" falling into disuse
- pints that are half litres
- people who don't mind being served a half litre when they asked for a pint
- novelty underwear
- Amstelveen
- variegated foliage
- sandals
- alcohol-free beer
- personalised number plates
- cats
- ice cream
- Monday
- blaming everything on global warming
- global cooling
- Wednesday
- live test match coverage being only on Sky
- the All Blacks
- Thursday
- kitchens at the front of houses
- painting everything orange
- Tuesday
- August
- December
- mornings
- chips with mayonaisse
- tomato ketchup
- avocado
- not being rich enough to give up work
- the rich
- ivy
- plastic-framed windows
- Windows
- aluminium-framed windows
- plastic door handles
- drivers that won't stop at zebra crossings
- "classic" rock
- breaking my ankle
- breaking my other ankle
- losing an argument
- being wrong
- hamburgers
- treading in dogshit
- bauxite
- DIY
- TNT
- ABC
- TB
- anthropomorphism
- 24-hour days
- Robust Porter
- smug bastards
- the phrase "the golden age of beer"
- airport security
- winter sport
- extreme sport
- ironing
- thin chips
- buttermilk

There will be several more, rather longer installments in this Hate series.

14 comments:

Elektrolurch said...

rofl quite funny. i know of one germanr restaurant that uses ,,fertigklößeteig" that i still love- the braunbierhaus in bayreuth...
and i have a beard.
and i have some jeans i like
lol just wanted to say that.
:D

Ron Pattinson said...

I can overlook a beard and jeans. But packet Klöße? Never.

Ron Pattinson said...

Kristen, Kunze quotes 35º C, 50º C and 65º C for the Kochmaischen. Then finishing (I guess heating the whole mash) at 72-74º C.

The Beer Nut said...

I'm with you on an awful lot of those (especially the cats). But are real Irish pubs any better than fake ones?

Anonymous said...

Looking for a pattern here... so let's see... You once proactively had a mozzy-bitten TB-like coughing fit whilst waking up (due to this global-warming/cooling induced hot weather) on the motorway to the cross-channel ferry (rather than the airport as you'd previously an argument with security about DIY plastic doors and their associated furniture), induced by braking an ankle or two at closing time because you slipped on an alcohol-free half litre (aka pint) of fizzy cascade-hopped paprika-flavoured hamburger-shaped dog turd, served from an orange 'ice-cold German chocolate dry stout ale' packet purchased from a London-based Dutch football team with a stadium named after their sponsor. Am I getting close?

Ron Pattinson said...

beer nut, I couldn't comment on that, not having been in a real Irish pub for ages.

somebloke, well put. That's exactly what I was thinking. Except with lots of cats.

Anonymous said...

Beards are too important to be left in the sole custody of dimwit homebrewers and beer tickers.

Trotsky wore it, for example, along with Uncle Hô, Lenin, Karl Marx, Friedrich Engels and a few others.

Help save the beard from mediocrity, grow one before it's too late ! ;oD

Anonymous said...

Live test match cricket only available on Sky? I get mine in Holland over the internet - legit - from the ecb: http://www.ecbtv.co.uk.
It's only the home tests and one dayers, but it's the full Sky coverage (without ads) and a lot cheaper.
The quality isn't exactly HD, but a lot better than I expected.

Stonch said...

How can you not like Hollyoaks? Brilliant background telly. Roxanne McKee.

Ron Pattinson said...

Stonch, so you agree with all the others? It's just Hollyoaks you think unworthy of hate?

I've never met anyone else who hated sunshine before.

Kieran Haslett-Moore said...

sunshine is ok, but icy rain and heavy downpours are much better.

Stan Hieronymus said...

I'm with you on cats, but if it turned out they killed mosquitoes I could change my mind.

You don't want to be here in the Juneau tree stand where we are camping. They swarm around the door, just daring you to venture outside.

Anonymous said...

Bauxite? Really? wtf?

Bauxite is much preferred over Brewmaster's Special Reserve Imperial Oak-Aged Kristal Juniper-Hazelnut-Passionfruit Dubel Belgian-style Berliner Weiße, mit Schuss, on the rocks, with also a lemon slice, in a tin cup. Ok, ok: aluminum cup.

Well, to me, anyway.

Admin said...

Is it phobia or you have a grouse? agree on one thing, cross channel ferries.... not my cup of tea...